Annual Halloween Story! Yes, for about the thirtieth year in a row, here it is...

The Transformation

The classic cabin in the woods. Seventeen acres of pristine woods and pasture surrounding it, with a stream that runs close enough to be called a tumbling brook. Large pond. All sounds perfect for a vacation for the super-stressed, doesn’t it? That’s what I thought.

            When my boyfriend suggested we take a long weekend away from the city, I was envisioning a swanky resort with room service and valet parking. Nope. Being a big fantasy reader (how did I end up with him, anyway?), he’d located a replica of a house in some fantasy book he loved. Complete with thatched roof and an outhouse, it met his dream standards. Not mine. But I wanted to be a good sport, and he’d already paid the deposit, so I agreed to go along with him living out a small part of his dream. Very small part, thank goodness.

            Since the weather was turning colder, I packed my long undies and a down bathrobe. The idea of an outhouse grossed me to the max, but for two days, I could do it. It would be like a permanent portapotty, right? I loaded up on toilet paper and hand sanitizer. I also added my coffee maker (there must be electricity of some sort, I reasoned) and a cooler full of snacks I loved. If he was making me camp out in the cold, I got to pick the food.

            The drive to get there seemed interminable but that was probably because we were on single lane rural roads most of the time. Nothing like miles and miles of uninterrupted views of stubbly corn fields and dilapidated barns. This stretch of America was proof positive that the American farmer was a dying breed. I wasn’t feeling very cheerful, to say the least, when we turned off the paved road onto a dirt driveway, which seemed to extend for miles. By the time we’d bounced over and through every pothole in the dirt, I was ready to turn around and find the closest motel.

            “See, there it is,” Ryan poked me in the arm as he stopped to get the full view of our vacation house. “Just as the description said, rustic and charming. Right?”

            If I were ever to air my dirty laundry in public, like those idiots on Reddit, this was the moment to join the crazy class. “Rustic and charming? Are you kidding? It’s a hovel. They should be paying us to stay here!” I could see it now – “Am I the AH for wanting to kill my boyfriend for renting a disgusting, primitive, ugly place in the middle of nowhere for a romantic weekend?” Responses would be: Not the AH! Of course you should kill him!”

            Pulling out my phone, I tried to google nearby hotels. I was NOT staying in that falling-down heap of wood and straw. If I’d wanted to mimic medieval peasant life, I’d have booked a room in a Scottish castle resort.

No signal. Of course. “Honey, let’s get out of here and find some civilization. This place is a dump.”

            Before Ryan could protest, a man emerged through the round door of the hut, thumping a big stick and crying “Ohye! Welcome to your slice of heaven!”

            All I could do was stare. His long black hair fell in dirty clumps past his shoulders, while his clothing was a mass of stringy bit and pieces of fabric, rounding his body as if he’d dropped and rolled in manure and grass. I swear, his face was just as dirty. The worst part was his expression. His eyes said he was much too happy to see us, that we were just the tasty morsels he’d been hungering for.

            “Ryan, get back in the car,” I commanded as he got out to, of all things, shake the man’s hand. He didn’t even cringe. My skin was crawling.

            “Sweetie, meet Hubert, our host. Everything’s ready for us, and he’ll give us a tour of the amenities.”

            I swear, my legs refused to let me get out of the car. I wondered where Hubert buried the bodies and if we’d get a tour of that little detail. “Thanks, you take notes,” I called to Ryan even as I twisted and turned in the car to try for a single bar on my phone. No luck. If Ryan had left the keys in the ignition, I’d have driven off after giving him ample warning. I didn’t like the way Hubert was walking my way, big stick poking the ground with each step as if he were killing the dirt.

            “Can I give my lady a hand?” Opening the passenger door, Hubert leaned in so closely, I could smell every inch of him. Definitely something dead. Like a possum or rat. I thought. I mean, I’ve never smelled a deceased possum or rat, but I’ll bet I’m dead on.

            “No thanks. I’m good.” I cursed Ryan under my breath as Hubert turned away and marched back to my almost-ex boyfriend. “You two go on without me.”

            With a shrug, Ryan did just that. When they’d been swallowed up by the dark forest that surrounded the hut, I hopped out of the car and began jogging back to the main road. There had to be cell tower somewhere. After all, it wasn’t as if we were stranded in Middle Earth. If worse came to worse, I’d sleep in the car until I could convince Ryan that if he wanted to live, he’d take me home. Or at the very least, back to civilization.

            I didn’t think the driveway was that long, and since I’m a pretty good runner, I certainly didn’t worry about running out of steam. But I did. Finally, I had to stop my jog. Not only was it getting darker by the minute, but the road stretched as far as I could see. Which was well beyond what we’d just covered in the car. I was beginning to wonder if I was hallucinating.

            Giving up, I slowly jogged back to the small clearing with the hovel. Ryan didn’t seem concerned by my absence at all. “If you’d stuck around for the tour, Hubert would have shown you the outhouse. No need to go in the woods.”

            I couldn’t say a word. Glancing at the car, I saw the trunk was open and empty.

            “Coulda used a hand unpacking,” Ryan complained. “What did you pack anyway, rocks?”

            I wished. I would have bopped him in the head with one. “Books. Since there’s nothing else to do.”                    

            “If you’d come with Hubert and me, you’d have seen all there is to do! There’s a blacksmithing shop, which we can use to make pokers and things, and a weaver’s shed, and a pottery, and a place to do woodworking, and  . . . .”

            I held up my hand to stop him. “All of which sound like this is a village, and no thank you, I’m not interested in any of that. I have no need for a poker, unless it’s to stick it in you for dragging me out here to Hellville.”

            “Well!” Huffing with indignation, Ryan’s face turned red, then an interesting shade of eggplant. “You could try, Sophie. I mean, it’s part of the experience.”

            “This wasn’t how you sold me on this weekend, Ryan, be honest. I’ll bet we’re sleeping on straw pallets in that awful place.” I pointed at the hovel.

            At least he had the decency to be chagrined. “There’re blankets on top.”

            “Oh my God.” I didn’t really think there’d be straw beds, I was kidding. “The outhouse was one step too far for me, and now you expect me to sleep on the ground, essentially? Who are you? Do you know me even a tiny bit?”

            As I said the words, I realized that he had no idea why I was upset. I’d always seen him as easy-going and calm, rolling with the flow. I, on the other hand, acknowledge that I’m wound up tighter than a drum, and it’s always been easy to let Ryan keep our lives smooth while I work out the hard stuff. If he didn’t understand me, I sure as heck had underestimated him.

            Looking puzzled, Ryan tried to take my hand to lead me through the tiny door of the cottage, if it could be called that. Snatching it back, I backed away from him as fast as I could.

            “I want to go home, Ryan, right now. I’ll send an Uber or someone to pick you up Sunday. Give me the car keys.”

            Staring at me as if I’d grown horns, Ryan advanced towards me too quickly for me to dodge his hands as he grabbed me by the shoulders and dragged me under his arm.

            “Whoa! Cut that out!” I squirmed at first, and when that didn’t work, dug in my heels and tried to sit down. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I was fast realizing this wasn’t the Ryan I thought I knew.

            “Give it a chance, Sophie. Just for an hour or so. I’ll drive you back to the nearest town after that, if you still want to leave. Get you a hotel room.”

            “Nearest town, ha! We left civilization two hours ago! I want out now, and if you don’t let me go, I’ll swear out a warrant for your arrest. This is kidnapping!” I kicked him in the shins, but my soft-soled shoes made no impression. When that didn’t work, I leaned down and bit his arm.

            The next thing I knew, I awoke on packed dirt, dressed in a horrible garment that could only be described as prison garb in a horrid shade of brown, my feet bare, my watch and jewelry missing, and my hands tied to two posts set in the floor. “Ryan!” I screamed. “Let me go!”

            Clearly, I’d underestimated my former boyfriend. And I wasn’t kidding about the kidnapping charges. I would see him in federal prison for this. What on earth had possessed him? Had he had a psychotic break? Had he been planning this the whole time we’d been together? Why me? He knew I wasn’t the kind of woman to take abuse without fighting back.

            I had to pee. I was thirsty. And hungry. And the dirty little room was getting darker by the second. “Ryan,” I yelled repeatedly. No one came.

            I don’t know how long I was tied up, but I finally drifted off, my head aching and my anger unquenched. When this was over, I was never leaving civilization again. That was after I killed Ryan, of course.

            When I awoke, daylight was drifting through the holes in the thatched roof. I stared at my surroundings, noting the clunky wooden furniture, a table and two hairs, and a set of shelves. The fireplace was emitting some heat from a bed of coals, and an iron pot hung over it on a metal hook. I assumed someone was cooking, which gave me a glimmer of hope. If I could convince anyone in the vicinity to untie me, I was ready to run like the devil was on my tail. A devil named Ryan.

            Footsteps crunching twigs sounded outside the hovel. “Help!” I croaked, my throat parched.

            “You’re awake! Good, I’ll get you some breakfast.” Looking happy and chipper, Ryan smiled down at me. “Do you want honey on your mush?”

            “I want you to let me go, you madman. Why are you doing this?”

            “Tsk, tsk. Labels are so 21st century. Forget them and you’ll be so much more pleasant to live with.”

            “I’m not going to live with you ever again,” I spit back at him.

            Kneeling in front of me with a wooden bowl in one hand and a wooden spoon in the other, he scooped up what can only be described as the most disgusting food I’d ever seen. I clamped my lips shut.

            “Okay, have it your way,” Ryan sighed. “It won’t be long now, anyway.”

            “What won’t be long now?”

            “The transformation. Everyone’s so excited to meet you.”

            “Who is everyone? Ryan, have you been here before? Have you been planning this all along, the whole time we were together?” I couldn’t imagine I’d been so dense as to not see how unbalanced he was.

            “Oh, this is my home, sweetie. My real home. I knew it the instant I read about this place, so I visited a few times to get things ready for us. I knew you were the one to share it with me.”

He looked so pleased with himself I could have scratched his eyes out. “It takes a real survivor the make it in my world, and I realized the first time I met you, you had the right stuff.”

            I couldn’t believe I was arguing with the same Ryan who taught third grade, loved to bake and cook, and went along with whatever plans I made for us with no complaint. But now that I thought back on it, why hadn’t I questioned his compliance, his adoration? No one fell in love that fast. I should have had my guard up from day one, but it was too late.

            “You’ve played me, haven’t you? From the start.”

            Shaking his head, Ryan set the bowl of mush on the hearth. “Maybe a little. But I grew very fond of you. You are so successful, so wired to make it work. Anything you touch, you turn into gold. It wasn’t easy transferring your accounts into mine, but I’m pretty good at that kind of thing.” He shrugged as if he’d made a new dish for me to admire.

            “My accounts?” I could barely get the words out.

            “It takes money to run this world. We may look like simple people, but we aren’t. On our planet, we’re the explorers, the astronauts, you would call us. We’ve been here a long time, and so far, role playing has kept us safe from recognition. You people love a good play, great actors. We provide that. But it does take coin of the realm.”

            I wanted to wake up from this nightmare. Right now. “Are you trying to tell you you’re an alien?” I could barely get the word “alien” out.

            “You make it sound so, um, illegal. As if we crossed a border at midnight, trying to stay away from the Border Patrol. No, sweetie, we’re not aliens. If any lifeform is alien, it’s yours. But if you really want to, I think you can transform. Become one of us. I hope so, I really do. I’m awfully fond of you, and we’re not a species that forms attachments easily. You’re the first one of my girlfriends, as you call it, I’ve wanted to keep. You won’t live as long as we do, but I’m hopeful that you’ll, shall we say, fit into our colony here while you’re with us.”

            “Colony? How many of you are there?” If I was dreaming, this was a helluva an intricate one.

            “Not enough, not yet. That’s why we’ve been perfecting our transformation standards. So far, it hasn’t been a raging success. One cat, a couple of dogs, and a strange bird that speaks a language none of us recognize. But I know you’ll be our first human transformation. Well, not exactly human. Just more like us in our original forms. I can’t wait for you to see me as I really am. I know you’ll love me even more.”

            “If you expect to use all this crazy talk to get you out of the legal consequences of your kidnapping me, you’re very mistaken.” I tried to keep my voice from shaking, without much success.

            A bell rang outside, to be followed immediately by more bells with varying tones.

            “Good. All the rituals are complete. I wish you’d eaten, it would make the transformation easier, I believe, but maybe a few bites now before we do?”

            I recoiled as he shoved a spoonful of mush at my mouth. “No way in hell. It’s probably loaded with drugs to knock me out.” I watched enough true crime TV to know how maniacs worked.

            “It’s not, but that’s actually a good idea. I’ll make a note for next time.” Rising from his haunches, he set down the bowl and reached around me to untie my hands. By the time the knots on my second hand were loose, I knew it was now or never.

            With a swiftly placed kick, I jerked my hands free, and pivoted to run when an iron grip tightened around my throat. “We’re not built like your men, sweetie. It’s all just for show. And to keep women satisfied. But we feel nothing down there. Now come quietly, or I’ll be forced to drag you tied up. I know your dignity doesn’t like that image.”

            He knew me too well. Besides, if I could keep the ropes off my arms, I’d have a better chance to fight, to escape. I refused to believe I was doomed to whatever torture he’d devised for me. Sagging against him, I pretended to surrender.

            “Don’t hurt me,” I whined. I hated the sound of my voice, but whatever it took. . . .

            Scooping me into his arms, he carried me out of the hovel and into a weak sunlit morning. No birds sang, no squirrel chatter, nothing but the sound of my own strangled breathing as I found panic and revulsion at the same time. I couldn’t believe I’d fallen into his trap so easily. If I survived, I promised myself I’d hire a private detective before I even met a man for coffee.

            “What’s your real name? I think I deserve to know that much.”

            “Interesting. Most women ask where our home planet is located. I knew you were unusual from the start, my dear.” He chuckled, at least that’s what I thought he was doing. “It’s Grymph. I know, it’s hard for human to pronounce, but after the transformation, you’ll say it easily. And understand its meaning.”

Yeah, it means crazy person, I told myself. By now, we were emerging from the forest into a clearing, where a very tall man, at least that was my assumption, draped in long black robes, stood on a raft at the bank of a pond. Or lake, I couldn’t tell which. Disgusting long hair dyed an odd shade of eggplant hid his face.

            “We are ready,” my captor announced, I assume for my benefit. You bet I’m ready, I thought, getting ready to jump. I kept in shape swimming at the Y, so I had no doubt I could cross that pond before they could catch me. All I had to do was get into the water with my legs and hands free.

            Purple-hair guy stomped a big stick on the dock three times and started gibbering nonsensical words. Setting me in front of the guy, my captor forced me to my knees. All the better to slip into the water, I decided, checking out the far side of the pond for signs of any more crazy men in long robes. Inching sideways, I edged my feet over the dock, leaning over as if in prayer while bracing myself with my hands against the wooden boards. I was tensing to roll sideways into the water when it happened.

            Kicking me hard in the side, Purple-hair knocked me into the water before I could take a deep breath. Startled by the cold, I floundered for the surface, not sure which way was up. Before I could find my way up, something grabbed me by the middle and hauled me close.

            I tried to scream, but water filled my lungs as I flailed and scratched, kicked and jabbed. My throat burned like fire as black circles swirled behind my eyes. I wasn’t ready, not at all.

            The boyfriend and the man in black stood aside as the cheetah struggled to climb the pond’s bank. “Not again. I thought you said it would be different this time. We need breeding stock, not more cats.”

            “At least it’s not a kitten. This one’s a big cat.” The boyfriend shook his head. “I guess I miscalculated. Thought we had her for sure.”